I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
