Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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