clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
