U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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