Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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