I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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