it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
