matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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