Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
