He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
