I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Still dying that you shit outside
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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