You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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