just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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