it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
