i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
