Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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