why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
