i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think your dad took our porno
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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