Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
