on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
