I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
