last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
