I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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