I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
