yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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