I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
