im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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