Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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