I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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