Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
