Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
