guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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