I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
