the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
