R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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