So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have already put on my inside pants.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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