I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
