I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
