You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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