i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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