I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
