This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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