Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
