so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
