Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I smell stomach acid.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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