Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
