porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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