so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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