the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
