I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
