I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
