woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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