Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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