haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
