Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
