physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
