if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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