no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
