The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
