People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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