Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
