Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We talked him into tasing himself.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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