This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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