I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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