Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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