no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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