I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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