I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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