I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
