it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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