Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
