That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
