i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
