1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
