I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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