your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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