Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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