im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
