she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
