there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
