Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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